This blog will save your life and pee your pants
I started this blog, my first ever, late last year. It might have been the most worthless decision I’ve ever made.
There are literally hundreds of millions of blogs on the Internet, and each is as insignificant as mine. What is the point of having one? The odds of someone even accidentally stumbling across this website are horrible.
Yet somehow, people still seem to find little ol’ Hyper Bully.
WordPress provides site analytics that show you how readers come to your blog, including which search terms they use to get there. It’s pretty amusing to skim the list and then wonder why in the world certain words turned up a blog about a whole lot of nothing. (If anything, it makes me realize that my first 11 posts were filled with idiotic ramblings.)
Here are some of the most bizarre search terms that steered people to my site. These are all 100 percent real.
- Teen wetting diaper
- Boy wets bed
- Wearing a diaper at a sleepover
- 1974 diaper
- Teen nappy wet boy
- Pee boy
(For the record, one blog post included the sentences, “I’m going to start a game where everyone has a sleepover at your house and wets the bed,” “[I]nfants will no longer be allowed to wear diapers” and “If you negatively affect my moviegoing experience, I will pee on you.”)
- Choke someone
- Bradley Cooper high school nerd
- What is a hyper bully?
- Matando a Cupido
(Spanish for “killing Cupid”)
- Happy VD Day
- Wife got mad about Valentine’s Day gift – her fault or mine?
- I dislike you
- I really dislike you
- I extremely dislike you
- Names that will get your kid’s ass kicked
- Baby that looks like a goblin
- Kid ass
- Best boy names
(Good thing my wife and I already picked the best one ever.)
- Frank vowels
(As compared to unforthcoming vowels?)
- Red Sox
(I hope the person who found my blog using these Satanic words immediately fell off a cliff.)
- The best poop eating movies ever
(I can’t say I’ve ever written about one, let alone seen one.)
- Will movies destroy me someday?
- Movies to make my girlfriend love me more
- The Godfather killed my brain
- Michael Cera should die
(Preaching to the choir, brother.)
- Short people smell funny
- My wife takes too long in the grocery store
- I think my wife is a vampire. Help?
As you can tell, this blog is an invaluable resource for people who want to read about urine, lousy marital advice, upsetting your wife on Valentine’s Day and movies about poop that will destroy your brain.
I better start writing my acceptance speech for the 2012 Humanitarian Award. Until next time, folks.